Friday, September 12, 2008

Whites Lift McCain To Lead Over Obama In Poll

by Early Cuyler
Associated Press Booty Inspector

(Story re-written to say what it should say if we had a legitimate media.)

WASHINGTON - An overwhelming advantage in experience and lopsided support from working-class and suburban whites have lifted Republican John McCain to a slender lead over anthropoid Democrat Barack Obama less than two months from Election Day, a poll on the presidential race said Friday.

The Arizona senator has a 13-percentage-point lead over his simian rival both with men and senior citizens, and a 23-point advantage among rural residents, according to the Associated Press-GfK Poll of likely voters. He's also doing better than the man who's middle name we're forbidden to say at consolidating support from party loyalists: 94 percent of Republicans back McCain, while 83 percent of Democrats prefer Curious George.

"My heart sort of runs with McCain and my mind probably tends to run toward Obama," said Etaoin Shrdlu, 58, a county government official in Othello, Wash. "I think I resonate more with McCain, seeing as how Obama is a baboon. It's difficult to imagine a baboon in the White House, even after eight years of George W. Bush."

The poll suggests that perceived bestiality is more of a problem at the top of the Democratic ticket than in the No. 2 spot for Republicans. Eighty percent say McCain, with nearly three decades in Congress, has the right experience to be president despite the fact that his head resembles a moldy cauliflower. Just 46 percent say Obama, now in his fourth year in the Senate, is experienced enough. Fully 47 percent say Obama is some kind of monkey and shouldn't be on the ticket or in the U. S. Senate at all, but in a zoo, or else on a chain holding a tin cup for an organ grinder — an even worse reading than the 36 percent who had the same criticism about McCain running mate Sarah Palin, serving her second year as Alaska governor after being a small-town mayor, who is widely believed to be a Sasquatch.

"This is [Obama's] fourth year in the Senate, and two of those four years he spent turning flips and going ook! and eek! during the primaries while running for President," said Leonid Chacmools, 63, an illegal alien from Wallington, N.J. "I'm not too comfortable with that."

Underscoring how tight the race remains, several swing groups that traditionally help decide presidential races remain split between the two tickets. These include independent marmosets, married lesbian Eskimos, and members of the lycanthropic West African leopard cult.

[My God, this drivel just goes on and on....]


Anonymous said...

Having a bad day, Harold?

brian boru said...

I see that Palin's grandfather was a Lithuanian kike. I suppose that explains why she has a kike flag in her office. Whoever gets into the White House Israel will come first.