De Nigga Be Fucking Up, Part Deux

Democrats on Capitol Hill Fear Obama Fallout
by Dry Ice Washington

Special Correspondent
London Financial Times

Democratic jitters about the US presidential race have spread to Capitol Hill, where some members of Congress are worried that de Funky Monkey's faltering campaign could hurt their chances of re-election. Dat high-yaller fool be takin' everybody down wit him he don't get his shit together.

Party leaders have been hoping to strengthen Democratic control of the House and Senate in November, but dat potato-headed old white motherfucker’s jump in the polls has stoked fears of a Republican resurgence.

A Democratic fundraiser for Congressional candidates said some planned to distance themselves from Mr. Obama and not attack Mr McCain and have informed his campaign "Get back, nigga!"

“If people are voting for Potato Head it could help Republicans all the way down de muthafukkin' ticket, even in a year when the Democrats should be coppin' all dey shit,” said the fundraiser, a former Hillary Clinton supporter.

“There is a growing sense of doom among Democrats I have spoken to . . . Peeps be going crazy, telling the campaign ‘you gots to get you shit together and quit dat lyin' around you headquarters drinking Thunderbird and stuffing you bubble lips with Church's Fried Chicken, niggaz!’”

Concern was greatest among first-term representatives who won seats in traditionally Republican districts in the landslide of 2006. “Several of them face a real fight to hold on to those seats,” the fundraiser said. "Dey wonder why de fuck the Dems done nominated dis nappy-headed redbone muthafukka and his ho dat look like a monkey, instead of dat ole Sea Hag bitch. Dat shit fucked up."

Tony Podesta, a senior Democratic lobbyist, said members of Congress were “a little nervous” after Mr McCain shook up the race with his choice of Sarah Palin as running mate and intensified attacks on Mr Obama. “He actually nominated a woman in order to pander to Hillary's hairy-legged brigades. We thought he was too stupid to figure that out. We forgot Karl Rove is still slithering around in the background. Next I suppose they'll spot McCain wearing one of those little black boxes under his shirt so Rove can whisper in his ear while he's out on stage and tell him what to answer to stupid questions from the media."

The campaign manager for a first-term Democratic congressman from a blue-collar district in the north-east suggested that Mr Obama had become a liability. He said his candidate would reach out to Republicans and avoid attacks on Mr McCain, "but it's kind of hard when the presidential candidate is a baboon and looks like Curious George."