Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Malefic Versification

My recent excursions into the realm of poesy sparked a discussion on poetic satire. Apropos of this, several people asked me for copies of of some of the older "hate songs" we all used to hum around the flickering sterno can in the old Arlington Nazi HQ. I'll be laying a few of them on you over thecoming days, at least those that I remember.

I'll start off with a real oldie but goody that all you relics from the 60s Movement will doubtless remember. I did not write this one (way before my time); it's a bit on the doggerel side for my more sophisticated literary tastes, but I have to admit it's got a lot of earthy spirit to it.

This bit of Americana really should be played like I first heard it back around '76, with a washtub, a kazoo, a slap base and a redneck twelve-string picker wearing white socks, strung out on meths and Pabst Blue Ribbon who is wanted on a number of charges in Nashville:

"I WANT A GUN"
Anonymous

(Sung to the tune of "I Want A Gal Just Like The Gal Who Married Dear Old Dad.")

I want a gun
Just like the gun
That murdered JFK!
Little Fascist gun that shot so well,
Blew that nigger-lover straight to hell!
Yeah, I want a gun
Just like the gun
That whacked out JFK!

I want a gun
Just like the one
Greased Martin Lucifer Koon,
.220 grains and a manual bolt,
Gave that funky monkey quite a jolt!
Yeah, I want a gun
Just like the one
That iced Martin Lucifer Koon!

I want a gun,
Just like the one
That shot down RFK!
Little .22 done blew that creep away,
Allah was Akbar to the max that day!
Yes, I want a gun
Just like the one
That mowed down RFK!

[There is a fourth verse of more recent provenance which, as much as I hate to give in to even the hint of self-censorship, would probably be more trouble than it is worth to reproduce. Hint: the rhyme is "Jesse J."]

I want some guns,
Just like the ones
That made our country free!
Black powder musket or an M-16,
That's the kind of broom that really does sweep clean!
Yeah, I want some guns,
Just like the ones
That made our country free!

4 comments:

Ned Flanders said...

I always thought that one was a dee-diddling corker!

Anonymous said...

Back then in Wisconsin, we would march&sing "The Old Songs". My original contribution was set to the tune of "Those were the Days"--still avail. frB.&N., the companion titled book The Good Old Days--then sung by Petulia Clark: "Yesterday I stood before the beer-hall, where we used to raise a putsch or 2, rememb'ring how we'd while away the hours, dreaming of the great things we would do... (to the jew) (refrain) Those were the days, my friend, we thought they'd never end, We'd kill and torture 'ever and a day; we'd have the race we choose, we'd gas&burn the Jews, those were the days, oh, yes, those were the days ! ...tra la la la la-la, tra la la la la-la, tra la-la la, la la la-la la-la--chic a boom, chic a boom--tra la la la la-la, tra la la la la-la, those were the days, oh, yes those were the days !

Anonymous said...

Having a gun is useless without the courage to use it where it will do the most good.

Anonymous said...

For the record, it wasn't Petula Clark, it was Mary Hopkin (at the time an alleged paramour of Paul McCartney, who produced the record and played guitar on it).